NEGOTIATIONS:

Negotiation is probably the most critical part of the entire communication process between Dominant and submissive. Negotiation occurs to determine the elements of a one time scene or it is used to determine the elements of a casual or longterm relationship.

The greatest thing about negotiations is that they normally happen every day within kinky relationships. Negotiations and communications are at the core of a healthy encounter, be it professional or personal, short term or long term. Negotiations are expected and if there isn't any kind of communication happening in your intial encounters with a player within the BDSM community, I encourage you to either bring it up yourself or walk out the door.............quickly.

There are numerous tools available to facilitate thorough negotiations. I use them as a tool to help get to know someone and to determine if we both like the same kind of play.

Here is the link to the one I am most fond of using. http://sexuality.org/l/bdsm/checklst.html

LIMITS:

I will not scene with someone without a discussion of limits. Before you begin to explore play with a Dominant you should have some idea of what might be off limits for you. I will not scene with someone who says that they either don't have any limits or that they want to be with me so bad that they give Me carte blanche to do anything I choose to them. This is akin to being a doormat which I have no interest in.

Please do not come to Me and tell Me that I can do anything I want to you. That is a dangerous statement to make and I would hope that you thought enough about yourself to spend sometime thinking about things that you are absolutely not comfortable doing.

I also have limits and there are certain things that for right now, I will not participate in. Some of these are hard and fast limits, others will change over time.

My hard limits are: children, scat, diapers, infant play, breath play, animals.

SAFEWORDS:

I will not scene with someone without the use of safewords so don't ask. Safewords are a useful tool for the Dominant to help assess how the submissive is doing under certain stressfull conditions. Safewords are a very good tool to gauge someone's tolerance for pain or discomfort. It's certainly not the only tool that I use. I will assess you by the groans or moans that you make, the grimace on your face, your breathing patterns, blood flow to your extremities and by checking in with you and expecting a verbal response if possible.

AFTERCARE:

Aftercare is the quiet time spent after a scene when the submissive and Dominant are cooling down, particularly after an intense scene or when the submissive has entered into sub space. Aftercare is critical to the continued bonding experience between the Domme and the sub/bottom. Aftercare usually consists of an opportunity to allow the body and mind of the submissive to return to a normal state. The submissive will often feel chilled and a warm blanket, some quiet music, low lighting and soft strokes to the skin can be very comforting to both the Top and the bottom. Once everyone has recovered, some fluids and a snack are also warranted. If the bottom needs to get in a car and drive, particularly after a very intense scene, I would discourage this for at least an hour until the Domme can assess the submissive's ability to get behind the wheel of a car.